the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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