Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
