He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
