What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
