If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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