Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
