He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
