Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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