saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
