he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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