i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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