Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
