i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
