I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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