is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
