singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
