I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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