My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
