Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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