oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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