Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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