apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
