You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
