Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i love accidental penises.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
