so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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