No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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