drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
