I think my fart just growled at me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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