so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
