i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
