i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
