I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
