at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
