ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
