Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
