I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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