I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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