i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
