Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
