I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
