Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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