I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
