So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
