My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize