No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
