the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
