I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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