fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
