I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
