sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He felt like a one man threesome
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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