You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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