I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
